I know of certain people who would love to spend an evening in my company. Many others would not. How
This book is for the young at heart, for those who would like to share their passion for life with others.
This book is about love, my motivating force in life.
Thank you my parents for letting me fly free.
Thank you my daughters for returning my love unconditionally.
Thank you my husband for letting me be me.
Thank you my friends for knowing I do not judge.
Thank you Nir for not judging me.
Thank you Mark for discovering me in this book.
Thank you God for all our blessings.
There are people like this: You just love to be around them; they are full of life and aura. When they
talk they look straight into your eyes. You treasure every minute near them, hate to leave them, and can't
wait to return.
I would like this book to be that for you: a good friend, that talks and says exactly what you were feeling but couldn't put into words, or maybe you did not realize you were feeling or having that opinion until you heard it uttered by that friend.
Let this book be that for you, and if it is not, then it was not meant to be. One cannot be everybody's friend. One cannot talk the truth for every single person.
If my words speak to you, stay with me, and let me whisper in your ear my little secrets that could well be yours if you allow yourself to follow your feelings.
|When I whisper in your ear...||
Life is full of mysteries waiting for us to unfold and opportunities for us to experience. Are you up for a special treat? Are you ready to experience something else than the usual? if yes, then read on...
Life begets life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich. - Sarah Bernhardt (1844-1923)
If you make an attempt one day to smile all day long, look in everyone's eyes, say hi first to all, and ask them how they are, and really mean it, your life would change and float like magic, as if in a dream.
The dream was always running ahead of one. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle. --- Anais Nin (1903-1977)
If you go one step further, and say yes to every request (as long as it is not going to cause harm to anyone or anything), your life is sure to change for the better.
Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls
--- Mother Theresa (1910-1997)
What if no one asks anything of you?
You could cause an interaction with everyone you encounter on your way. If you tell yourself that the person is on your way for a reason, because s/he was intended to be there by some supreme power, then you are even another step closer to wonder how that person is going to interfere in your life, change its course somewhat, and you her/his life.
To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable. --- Helen Keller (1880-1968)
You may want to leave home a little early if you want to
arrive to work in time to interact with a few people on the way.
With some people it's going to be like a short dance. You may answer a
question they had on their
minds, maybe comment on their dress, or reflect on the movie they saw the night before last.
With others, it may turn out to be like a love affair. You may answer every one of their questions and desires. And they may respond similarly to you. Things may flow very smoothly.
If it's a business interaction you may end up closing a deal.    If it's a student of yours, s/he may have found an answer to a problem with your help.    If it's a colleague, you may have spurred their day to a lovely and promising continuation.
Wouldn't that be marvelous if we could conduct everyday of our existence
like a beautiful love affair?
Give and receive love is uplifting and contagious. We cannot help but contaminate our surroundings with it.
I know all too well that not everyone in your surrounding can be such a
partner in a love affair.
There are people who bring in you some ugly characteristics you are not proud of. I would recommend staying cordial, taking your time, and staying away until those feelings fade away. It would be unfortunate and unlikely if all the people around you arouse such ugly feelings.
Most if not all people have
beautiful insides. All you need to do is to discover those pretty parts. It
is not always easy.
Some beautiful parts are well hidden, but with some prodding, gentle questioning,
perseverance, and especially trust, one could surely discover them.
We don't see things as they are; we see things as we are. -- Anais Nin (1903-1977)
Often people are resistant to opening up. You may need to search elsewhere if
you are exhausted by your
Few people are strong enough to continue the search after the beauty within.
If you are not burned out, keep on. You may not get rewarded for your efforts directly, and the task may seem formidable at times. However when you do succeed, the reward is well worth the effort.
There is a beauty in pain as well. When we hurt, we ask more questions of ourselves, of our god. That
curiosity reborn is in itself beautiful. Hurting is a feeling that leaves
its mark on us. Feelings render us alive, human, and beautiful.
I remember when I lost my fourth baby after three healthy and beautiful daughters. I was looking forward to that fourth child. I believed an even number of children would be better for the structure of my family. I always dreamt of a big family, and four children, in my mind, was just the magical number. The gender was an additional excitement as in our not-so-equal society; there were different sets of expectations of men, who might achieve differently.
My husband was not as thrilled as I was at the prospect of a fourth child and hurried to have vasectomy during my fifth month of pregnancy. He thought that this way we certainly would prevent a fifth child.
Losing that child was devastating. It was losing a dream, losing all possibility of another child, in particular a boy.
I attempted to have another child through vasectomy reversal, adoption, etc., but my husband refused them all. He, himself lost his father in the same week, and his pain for his father's loss was mixed with the child loss, which was not as big of a loss to him, as much as I could gather.
Somebody recommended reading a book by Kushner "When bad things happen to good people", which helped at the time.
Besides my misery I was seeking explanation, even revenge. Many people did not understand what I was going through. Many thought an embryo is not a child. My own religion did not allow me to bury him as he was not considered a person yet. The whole situation was very disorienting. I finally had him cremated and spread his ashes around a tree we planted in his name in our garden. It felt good knowing he was close to us.
Many people, some much unexpected friends, showed their understanding by sending cards and visiting me while I mourned. I recalled my own inappreciation of previous miscarriages of some friends, and gained an understanding of why so many people behaved so distantly.
I was still very bitter about my loss, especially angry at the doctor for causing it. It was not until later that I learned to cope with my anger, and take the outcome as something that had to happen, that was intended to be, as much as it was hard to accept.
So in the middle of all this sorrow I learned so much and realized that good can come out of even bad things.
Of course it is more pleasurable to feel happy, but not too often do we realize how happy we are until the happiness is over. When we suffer we know it too well. As paradoxical as it may sound, I know I'm happy sometimes even in my miseries. What my sadness teaches me is to recognize then my happy times. It teaches me to pinch and tell myself that I am happy and well.
"If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in
suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death.
Without suffering and death human life cannot be complete."
from Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl.
"One's suffering disappears when one lets oneself go, when one yields - even to sadness",
Another beautiful feeling can be achieved by rendering another person happy, or
out of their (his/her) misery.
Thus if you are healthy but are feeling lonely and miserable, don't sulk; remember always that you can reach a helping hand to a more needy person.
On the other hand, when you are sick or in mourning, accepting help is a generous act as well. You are providing an opportunity for enrichment to another's life in helping you.
"... the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances." - Martha Washington (1731-1802)
I am sitting here, in my living room writing this and imagining you reading
I don't know who you are, but I can feel your soul.
You wouldn't have stayed that long without being somewhat connected to me.
You are joining me in my living room, or I may be joining you wherever you are, and we are going to pass a close and intimate time together (no matter what your age, gender, race, health or beauty may be). I can only view you as a beautiful and youthful person, not without a seasoned wisdom and a sense of humor.
I can caress your soul without touching your body, without being able to see you. You may let me mold your spirit and take you with me to wherever I see fit.
"We are always the same age inside."
Sometimes it is liberating to be able to trust someone else to take charge and lead you or your imagination.
When you read a book, it is like giving up control. You may be still in charge of your imagination, but if you let go of your usual control of the real world and your daily responsibilities you will be taken to a new world that you may have never tasted from before.
Although we are all human and experience similarly in life, we are still very
When you read these lines I may be already dead so my words will come to you from another kingdom altogether, certainly magical to the living ones.
I am with you now, enveloping your senses, and hope you can feel my presence in more than one way.
Look up and feel the energy about you.
If your room is messy, spend some time cleaning it up. Be content in your surroundings. If you are not well wherever you are, change places (or shut off the external world). Go somewhere where you are comfortable and at peace. It may be a different room, or just another sitting angle. It may be a garden, a forest preserve, a cafe, or a library.
You need to have some time by yourself to listen to your inner voice, to get familiar with yourself, not only as a reflection of others.
I for one, enjoy sitting in my garden in the summer, watching the pond and listening to the fountain gurgle. In winter I make a fire in the wood-burning stove and pass hours absorbing the heat and be fascinated by the enchanting flames. In all seasons I enjoy swimming laps and being totally imbibed in this silent world of under-water. When I was running long-distance I achieved similar states after awhile.
Many people practice meditation which is an excellent way to focus on what is important in one's life and work toward it.
No matter what excluded place you choose, let your emotions or thoughts guide you. Connect with the surroundings and let them overcome you.
Spend some time thinking about the ways you may contribute to others, to your
close ones, to your community, and maybe to society.
You may realize you do not contribute much at the present time.. Sometimes we withhold our contribution because we do not receive recognition. It is essential first to recognize your own contributions. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder when you deserve it.
Do not do things just to be recognized however. Do them because you enjoy doing them and you know it benefits your world in some small way. Think of ways you can contribute more, ways where you can use your unique gifts.
Maybe you are not aware of these gifts. Maybe you need to develop them first.
Your contributions. Think about all the little things you do from your rise to your retiring at night.
You may greet your loved ones with enthusiasm; ask them about their night and the forthcoming day. Already you have contributed to their well-being,
Thank your God (*) for your being alive and well.
Wash and clean to start the day properly. Prepare a nutritious breakfast to sustain your body for a day full of accomplishments and contributions. Thank God again for providing such great food for your great body. To keep that body great you may spend four minutes stretching it a bit. It feels so good.
Leave home early so you don't have to speed up on the road and endanger lives. Smile at people in red lights. Say hi to strangers whenever your eyes meet.
Give a lift to someone you recognize on the sidewalk waiting for a bus. You see them every day and yet never stopped to talk. Remember, if they are there on your way, it may be for a reason. Find out why. They may contribute to your life somehow and you certainly will contribute to theirs, since it is nice to be recognized by others, and you just recognized them.
Give a gift to someone, just because you like the person and would like to recognize them. The gift may be a wild flower you picked, or a poem you just wrote, something that you believe will be meaningful to the person in question.
So start by recognizing all those people around you for their contributions. After awhile you will be recognized as well. Sometimes just a look of appreciation is enough recognition.
Speak the truth when you offer a compliment or a service to someone. If they don't thank you, it could mean they are preoccupied (didn't get up as early as you did). With your contribution, they may turn around one day. Do not discourage.* God, or nature, or whatever supreme power you believe put that breath in your lungs and opened your eyes this morning to see the light of day again.
* I believe we are all parts of an enormous intricate system that function together. Any movement you make or any action you take influences your surroundings and has unimaginable repercussions. In that view, we are each very powerful. We each resemble God, and should therefore be respectful of each other.
If you wonder where you are going to gather the energy to get up earlier in the morning when you are already so tired, be patient. After awhile you will not be tired any longer.
As you will start getting recognition for your contributions from others and especially from yourself, happiness and you will be one. At the moment you hit the pillow at night, you will fall asleep and have the sweetest dreams. You will sleep so well that in the morning you will feel very refreshed. You would just love to spring out of bed and kiss the world. This will happen sooner than you anticipate.
On the other hand, do stay on the task you set for yourself. Do not neglect it because of your new friendliness. Set some time everyday for your different goals. Stick to your schedule and set deadlines. Flexibility is good too as long as all the parties agree to the new renegotiated deadlines.
"Be pleasant until 10 o'clock in the morning and the rest of the day will take
care of itself."
Perseverance is a good attitude to adopt. If you do not fulfill your goal at the first trial, attempt it again. Do not give up if it is important to you.
Sometimes it may be a sign that it was just not meant to be. Greater things most likely are awaiting you. So do not discourage.
Keep on seeking and working hard toward your heart's desires. Writing down those desires may help concretize what is that you are wishing for.
From day to day your list may change, but certain items will keep on reappearing, so these are the things you ought to concentrate your efforts on and work toward.
One day, very soon, you will reach these goals. By looking periodically at your list of desires you may be astonished how perseverance will get you where you want to go sooner than later.
I recall my almost two decades of study for my doctorate. I knew from the start I was good at what I chose to study. 1 was always alert in graduate school and was among the first to find a solution to a problem. My professors believed in me and so did my fellow students. However I put a hurdle in front of me not believing I could ever achieve the level of doctorate. I almost gave up several times pursuing that degree. But looking back at all the work I put into it and looking forward into the future I realized I would not be satisfied without achieving that goal. I kept going, never totally giving the dream up. Finally when the time was right I put in that extra effort and reached my goal.
Attaining a goal is a sweet fruit at the end of a very hard work day. The feeling of self satisfaction cannot be described and could be used possibly as a motivation to keep on going, no matter what your dream is.
"The important thing is to strive towards a goal which is not immediately visible. That goal is not the concern of the mind, but of the spirit".
Completion is another motivation for me. I am interested in one hundred and one things, and am always in the middle of several projects, some of which never see the daylight.
It is easy to complete minor tasks and those I enjoy. It's the big projects, the tedious ones that I push aside and neglect to finish.
One strategy I found that helps me reach a goal is by devoting a certain number of minutes per day, or week, to the task, and sticking to the plan until completion.
If you do not have a family, get one. If you have a free room in your house, open it up to someone. Invite somebody to dinner. Learn to cook. Take singing lessons and sing.
If you are not married or involved in a relationship, get a lover. It is hard to find the perfect mate because a perfect one does not exist. Look for someone who will allow you to love her/him. When you give, you receive. Before long that person will love you as much. Open your heart.
"The giving of love is an education in itself"
Adopt a child if you don't or can't have one. Adopt a grandparent for your child. Be with them as you would have liked to be with your own parents.
Pretend you are a child. Have some fun for five minutes everyday. Sing out loud. Scream in your car or out in nature (so not to scare anyone).
When you have children, you leave a bit of yourself in them. Even if they are not your flesh and blood you leave with them part of your soul.
We are each born with tendencies and inclinations. We adopt from our parents the parts that fit these tendencies best. So if you spend any length of time with a child, any child, you imprint part of your soul on it. Therefore it is important to make a positive impact on children. Do not evade any opportunity of leaving your best marks on them. This is also your contribution to humanity. There is already enough abuse and negative impact on children. Avoid any such behavior yourself. At the very least admit your weakness so that every negative comportment will be taken as such, and go seek help.
Make love with your mate as if it were the first time, or better, the last time.
Call someone you have not talked to in a long time. Enroll that person in your life to assist you in accomplishing some good deed.
Hug someone, everyday; at least one big hug. Say something nice to someone beyond their exterior, something about their personality or their expressed thoughts. Tell someone you enjoy being with them.
Ask yourself what is there in life you have not done yet and that you once wanted to do. Imagine your death imminent, maybe tomorrow, maybe in six months, or two years. In each possible case you may discover you would want to do something different.
In my case, if I had to die tomorrow, I would want to spend today with my loved ones or call some friends to say good-bye.
If it is to happen in six months, I would have time to put my affairs in order, and complete things I left unfinished.
If it is in two years, I would write a book, like this one, and put all my wisdom in it, and hope it will benefit someone, maybe you, so I can leave this earth a little changed by me, a little better hopefully.
If I can help one soul with my words, and that person accomplishes some great deed or helps another, then I have contributed somehow, somewhat. And my soul will join God in peace, and will be ready for greater unearthly accomplishments yet to come.
"We can do no great things - only small things with great love."
Did you ever sit in a room with very boring people and agonized on the wasted time? Or maybe was it in a long line, or in a stuck elevator?
See what it is in your companions that is positive, and direct your conversation there.
They probably have hobbies. People like to talk about their hobbies.
You may share some of your thoughts with them, or just listen and learn something new.
Attempt to learn something new every day. Think of it as a free course. No tuition! Great value!
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When you go back in time and search for all the moments you were well, or felt great with another person, a group of people, an animal, or by yourself, what do you find?
With someone else it is always romance that comes to my mind, and great love making. That is probably why I keep making love, to find back those great moments.
Aside from romance, good times with friends were while I was making a fool of myself in high-school, or while I was pouring my heart out with a friend over a lost heart.
Now when I think back at those times, at those wonderful moments, I realize that those were times of letting go, times of returning to childhood.
The child in us does not know any boundary. It is connected to the universe, it is one with the cosmos, it is one with God.
Making love is another form of letting go, of being our true selves, of reaching out, of touching, of experiencing the flow of nature, the rebirth of spring, the song of birds, and the music of the soul. Orgasm is being one with God.
"And then, not expecting it, you become middle-aged and anonymous. No one notices you. You achieve a wonderful freedom. It is a positive thing. You can move about, unnoticed and invisible."
-Doris Lessing (1919-)
Broken heart is an open heart that can be shared with someone. It is a great opportunity for intimacy and closeness.
"The tender friendships one gives up, on parting, leave their bite on the heart, but also a curious feeling of a treasure somewhere buried."
From Southern Mail by Antoine de saint-Exupery (1900-1944)
Drinking from your lips the dew of your soul.
Make it a rule not to cry by yourself. Search someone to cry with. Use the phone if necessary. Even if you do not know anybody that can help, use the anonymous help line. However, risk first opening up with someone you haven't opened up with before. It is a risk since you are vulnerable and can get hurt. However if you don't try, you may miss a great opportunity for closeness with a new friend.
Not everyone is fortunate to have a friend with whom one can cry and open up. Remember that you are your own best friend. If you get rejected a few times by others, do not give up. A true friend will show up.
Throughout life we are searching for what?
Success? happiness? God? feasible mate? fulfillment? warmth? friendship?
Probably any of the above and more are objects of gratification, a search for going back in time to when we were loved unconditionally by our Mom and/or dad (if we were fortunate enough), or earlier, in that quasi-perfect universe of the womb (if our Mom was healthy before and during pregnancy).
We search ultimately then for that split second of creation when that lucky sperm reached the egg, and that first cell that would be you started its struggle for survival. That first union of two simple what would grow to be a complex being, you!
And at your turn, you may achieve a similar union every time you fall in love, let go of your organized world, melt in the arms of a loved one, let the rhythm of the chaos of creation take over, close your eyes like a babe, float in that embryonic fluid all over again, a fluid that this time you may produce or that you may accept into you.
The moment of climax is similar to that earlier moment when a godly hand put you together. So when you reach that moment of ecstasy, you become one, not only with your loved one, but with the God that created you and will create your offspring.
To drink from your lips the dew of your soul.... that's how I feel when making love with you, whom I love.
We search through life for love, companionship, friendship, accomplishment, success, spirituality and more...
What we really want is that sensation we had when we were young and loved under the protection of our parents, if we were lucky enough. Maybe we search even further to the time we were in that quasi-perfect world of the womb, if our mother was healthy enough before and during pregnancy. We may be searching for that ultimate moment of creation when his sperm met her egg and you were started, from that simple frail cell, growing into that complex being that we call you.
Every time you love and are loved, if you are fortunate enough, you may be reaching back to that moment of possible new creation when the semen merges from you or engulf you in that same embryonic fluid that swamped you into this world. In that moment of possible creation, when you explode into that chaotic state you seem to go back to genesis, to the God that created you.
Our voice once uttered travels as sound waves in space until captured by an ear, if amplified enough.
Now if not caught on tape, where does the voice go?
We are not technologically advanced enough to retrieve sounds made only yesterday, much less light years ago. However maybe on a distant star one is that advanced, and someone will hear me there tomorrow what I've said today.
Similarly with thoughts. If not uttered, they are like voices not heard and lost in space.
What if some advanced ear is technologically equipped to read our brain waves and to listen to our thoughts?
So God may be like that distant star which is not so distant if you know that over there one can read thoughts not yet uttered, not yet thought even.
Many people have much anger accumulated in them over the years. It is essential to deal with every occurrence of anger as it comes, solve the problem and forget it.
It takes much greater time to solve old problems than new ones.
You may find that someone sometimes gets angry at you for no apparent reason. By the same token, it may happen to you to snap at someone for no great deed. I believe it comes from old angers that the instance or the person, or some other ingredient triggered and blew out of proportion.
Work on those instances and maybe you will discover what it is that caused your anger in the first place. Maybe little by little you will get rid of some of your baggage and live a happier, more constructive life.
We have so much inside of us, a whole life accumulation and more. To find out what there is there under the surface we must empty ourselves; peel a layer at the time.
We can empty ourselves by talking, writing, meditating, dreaming even.
It is easy to talk to a good friend. It is harder to talk to someone not so close about anything but the weather. However, if an effort is made to talk beyond frivolities, great discoveries may be made. You may find something new about yourself, about your friend, about the world we are living in, about how little we actually know.
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."?
Eleanor Roosvelt (1884-1962)
Besides discovering yourself, you surrender something of yourself to the person you are talking to. It is a gift that you are giving to that person; something of yourself; a little risk too as you wish that person will not hurt that piece of yourself you just gave away.
If you are fortunate enough you may find someone in whom to confide everything, go beyond all secrets, all thoughts, pervert, or otherwise innocent, silly, or ... You may surprise yourself with what you find. You may discover a beautiful you. You may find a scared you as well.
"Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold."
-Helen Keller (1880-1968)
Fear is part of being alive, a part you should just accept and learn to live with. Life is scary sometimes. It is full of uncertainty.
We try to accumulate wealth, children, knowledge and other assets to protect ourselves. All that is needed is courage and trust. The worst thing that can happen is death and death is not so bad after all. There is no fear in death, no risks, and no uncertainties. There is nothing in death. No way back. So stay with us the live ones and take courage as together we can pull it fine...
"It is far harder to kill a phantom than a reality."
Virginia Woolf (1882-1941)
At the end of the day we are all tired and in need of sleep. When we don't get a good night sleep we may be crabby the next day.. So there is no denial that rich or poor, king or pauper, smart or dumb, we are all powerless without sleep.
So at the end of the day, when we lie down and give up control, that's the moment we surrender to the all powerful.
One moment we are there all powerful, in seemingly control, in the image or the mask we created for ourselves in the eyes of the world, or in our own eyes, and the next moment we are like babes at the hands of the all-mighty, nature.
If we are lucky we could leave life this peaceful way, unconsciously, unsuffering, surrendering.
When I whisper in your ear that special something I want you to remember, where does my voice go after it is uttered? Where does the sound wave flow once stopped by your ear drum? Is it for ever gone? What if you were not there to hear it?
We are not technologically advanced yet to catch the sound of our thoughts if not recorded at the time of their occurrence.
One day maybe, that same sound I uttered for you years ago, may be found somewhere on a lone star, by some advanced civilization who could decipher it and know exactly what I meant.
Imagine that your thoughts themselves change the chemistry of your brain. Someone could record them, if one had the right technology. So what happens to the thoughts thought only yesterday? Where are they today? Are they hanging somewhere in the air of this room or in space, and tomorrow someone will come with the right tool and will interpret them?
What about thoughts not yet thought, but just about. Could someone detect their butting moment? Is that someone what we call God? Is that God just more apt than we are today? Can we ever reach God's dimensions? Would we want to?
We think most times. Did you ever think who or what put those thoughts in your head?
We say things, sometimes spontaneously, as if without thinking. Did you ever reflect of how these utterances make their way to your lips?
Imagine that those thoughts born in you were thought by someone else far away or far in time. Those thoughts traveled a long distance, a long time, in the search for a suitable ear like yours, a suitable brain or soul, and just landed there. So when it came to you, it could be that it was just the propitious time for their arrival from that distant person who was very much like you. Or could that be God?
Your comments are appreciated.