Seek social as well as personal solutions.

Work to transform your personal life while simultaneously connecting your personal efforts to larger political understandings and struggles. Make connections to the big picture. How are other women helped or harmed by your choices and behavior? How is your relationship affected by outside forces and how can you have an influence? How can you work to eliminate differential opportunities and expectations based on gender, race, class, sexual orientation, physical ability, and other systems of oppression?

Honor yourself and your relationship.

Respect yourself, your dreams, and your relationship. Take yourself, your relationship, and your dreams seriously. What you do and the choices you make in how you build your relationships can help or hinder your personal growth, the quality of your relationships, and social change.

Agree to the rules, the process, and the outcomes.

Creating equality and justice will not work if one person makes a decision about when, how, and how often something should be done. Work together to identify problems, to understand the range of relevant personal and social issues, and to arrive at solutions that work for all involved parties AND are consistent with principles of equality and social justice.

Rotate responsibility for the household and children.

Take turns doing the dishes, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, driving, taking children to and from school, feeding the pets, mowing the lawn, changing light bulbs, taking out the garbage, paying the bills, and every other responsibility involving the household, family, or relationship.

Explore the possibilities, push the perceived limits.

Don’t just do what is most comfortable, what is the easiest, what is the most acceptable. Be creative. Strive for transformation, not compromise. Pay attention to the wide variations in how people live and work together. Explore ways to apply fairness to every aspect of your relationship with other adults and with children.