The Personal is Still Political: Thirty Years of Putting Feminism into Practice
Martha Thompson
2001 Midwest Sociological Society Annual Meetings
Creating Everyday Life: Power, Privilege, and Peril of the
Mundane
I. Overview
a.
Thirty years ago, I reluctantly got married. I was in love, but worried
about the social institution of marriage. I began a quest with my partner, Jim
Lucas, to discover the possibilities and limits of putting equality, justice,
and shared power into practice in an established social institution: marriage.
b. About
18 years ago, a couple of years after our daughter was born, I wrote an article
about our quest and how we applied it to housework and also to being parents “Housework:
Putting Theory Into Practice.” Feminism Lives. Durham NC: Radical
Feminist Organizing Committee, 1984:16-31. This was followed by "Gender and parenthood: a feminist experience." Midwest
Feminist Papers. Midwest
Sociologists for Women in Society, 1984: 1-5.
c.
Reflecting on the original papers and the last thirty years, I have
concluded the personal is still political.
1)
Choices and behavior reflect and shape the larger environment.
2)
To engage in social change means
a)
Working to transform our personal lives while simultaneously connecting
our personal efforts to larger political understandings and struggles
b)
Recognizing, accepting, and learning from variations in how personal
transformations do and can occur.
a.
The roots of our practice are in an understanding of historical, social,
cultural, and contemporary oppression of women. Our practice is informed by the
knowledge that who does the housework and/or has responsibility for the
children is not simply an individual choice. Some things we addressed:
1)
What are the standards of cleanliness in the culture in which we
live?
2)
What are those standards based upon (e.g. a FT homemaker and an economy
that depends upon consumption of new and better products)
3)
Who (social status) has historically done the housework and child work
and how has it been justified?
b.
We found that we had to develop a new language and methods of talking
because the language and methods we had perpetuated inequalities, injustice,
and oppression.
1)
To strive for equality and justice required us to move away from an
adversarial approach to dealing with issues. It can be cathartic, but doesn’t
really change things. We use a bi-level problem solving approach where
we begin on the same side with an understanding that we may have to develop
short-term solutions to get through the day while working on long-term
solutions.
2)
To strive for equality and justice required that we develop new words
and phrases for a common language about what we were trying to do.
a)
Psychic responsibility—who thinks
about the task that has to be done, not just focusing on who does the task.
b)
Standards of competence and excellence. Standards of
excellence require specialization where standards of competence can be achieved
through sharing. We had to change our standards. For instance, we don’t have to
have gourmet meals on a regular basis (excellence), but do have to have
nutritious, edible, and reasonable priced meals (competence).
c)
Residue-underlying concerns that don’t get addressed but
are carried over into new areas. We have worked hard to eliminate/minimize residue.
d)
Better to regret being apart than being together—we found that
to strive for equality and justice meant that we often do things separately and
independently without it being a negative reflection on what we mean to each
other (e.g. we lived in different cities for two years while I completed my
doctorate and Jim went on the job market) and it is better to forego an
activity that requires joint participation if one of us is not interested in
participating at that moment (e.g. it is better to regret not having sex than
to regret having sex).
e)
You can’t make a mountain out of a molehill—we talk about
everything! Family and friends have commented that we’re making mountains out
of molehills. We have found that if something is, indeed, a molehill our conversation
is very short. If the conversation turns into a long way, it is not because we
turned it into a mountain, but that conversation revealed an underlying issue
that should be addressed.
The following system evolved over time. This is now
routine for us and easy to implement, though it took a while for us to figure
it out. When new circumstances arise (e.g. birth of a child, moving into a
house, new job, child leaving for college, etc.), we revisit the system.
c.
Rotation
Taking turns is the most basic, the fairest, and
the simplest system. It also allows for flexibility. I shop this week; Jim shops next week. I drive to the event; he
drives home. He feeds the dog in the
morning; I feed the dog in the evening.
b. Individual
There are many things that do reflect our
individual interests and concerns and then we go our own way when it does not
impact the whole household or is a household responsibility. For instance, we rotate the “chores,” but there are some
things that are not fundamental, but extras. For instance, I love flower
gardening and Jim doesn’t.
c.
Joint
Activities in which we both move want or need to be
involved (from sex to moving furniture) require mutual consent and mutual
arrangement.
d.
Compensatory
There are biological, social, and cultural circumstances that shape our options, interests, and experiences. We have a “handicap” system that allows us to adjust for the advantages or disadvantages one of us might have at any given point. For instance, when I was pregnant we “shared” responsibility by Jim taking on greater and greater responsibilities for the household as my pregnancy advanced and gradually returning to a rotation system as my body recuperated from giving birth.
e.
“Hired help”
We have relied on many other people throughout our relationship to do many of the tasks associated with maintaining a household. We have our car serviced by a mechanic, we have a weekly lawn service, we have our taxes done by an accountant, we used a variety of child care options when our daughter was young, we have our house cleaned two times/month by a professional. We know that we are in privileged occupations that give us financial security and options. We also recognize that people we hire work within an economic system based on occupational sex segregation and gender inequities in pay. It is essential, therefore, to see our individual choices within a larger social environment and to work for social justice in the larger society, including economic opportunities, pay, benefits, etc.
a. Take what you do and choices you make seriously. Recognize and acknowledge when you choose the easiest or safest thing to do, rather than the fairest.
b. Be connected to a larger picture
1) how are other women helped or harmed by your choices and behavior?
2) how is your relationship affected by outside forces and how can you have an influence?
c. Recognize and celebrate the varied possibilities in putting feminism and work for minimizing the limitations facing women and men striving to put feminism into practice.
d. The personal is political!