TWELVE-STEP PROGRAM FOR JARGON-AHOLICS

Fellow Sufferers, I recently realized that I had come under the influence of those who see texts (oops--sorry--TEXTS) in the most unusual places, and I began to find TEXTS in locations, situations, amd even altercations, but rarely in printed sources. I began deconstructing, reconstructing and contextualizing. I used to engage in this behavior only socially. Then I found myself a solitary deconstructor. More recently, I began contextualizing before breakfast. Clearly, something had to be done.

I put away my Derrida, Heidegger and Foucault and sought the company of others who admitted suffering from this affliction. Together, we began the process of turning our addiction to jargon over to a power greater than ourselves. These are the steps we followed, which are suggested as a program of recovery.

1. We admitted that we were powerless over jargon, that our prose had become incomprehensible.

2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to clarity.

3. Made a decision to turn our styles and our verbiage over to the care of our Muse as we understood Her.

4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of all our gibberish.

5. Admitted to our Muse, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our inanities.

6. Were entirely ready to have our Muse remove our stylistic infelicities.

7. Humbly asked Her to remove our obfuscation.

8. Made a list of all persons we had bored or confused, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would further bore or confuse them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were unclear promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with our Muse as we understood Her, seeking only crispness in our prose and the talent to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other jargon-aholics, and to practice these principles in all our writing.

For a directory of meetings, a copy of the Big But Clear Book (Elements of Style), or general information, call

278-7865 (2-STRUNK) or 249-4483 (24-WHITE)